Faith
by All-Knowing-Oracle
Summary: Did Susan lose her faith in Narnia, or did she find new faith in something else? The story of Susan Pevensie, and just why exactly she did not return for the Last Battle.
1. Chapter 1

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_Character is what you are, not what others think you have."_– Marva Collins

The four Pevensie children, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, stood at the train station, waiting for the train that was to take Peter and Edmund off to one boarding school, and Susan and Lucy off to another. It was the first time the four children had had to be separated for months.

It was also Lucy's first time in boarding school.

"Susan?"

Susan looked down at her younger sister.

"What's wrong, Lu?"she asked.

"I'm scared, Susan,"Lucy confessed. Susan smiled at her sister, taking her hand.

"What are you scared of?"she asked, kneeling down to Lucy's level.

"What if I don't like school? What if I can't make friends?"Lucy asked.

"Oh Lu, don't be silly,"Susan laughed. "You'll make loads of friends. You've always made friends, wherever you go."

"But what if the work is too hard? What if I can't keep up?"Lucy continued.

"You'll keep up fine, Lu. Trust me,"Susan said. "What do you have to be scared about anyways? You'll have me right there with you."

"Not if you get too busy..."Lucy muttered. Susan frowned.

"Too busy?"she repeated. Lucy looked up at Susan with a guilty expression.

"You've got lots of friends, Susan,"she said. "You'll be out at parties constantly."

"Lucy!"Susan gasped. "I can't believe you'd even think something like that."

"You were practically gone all summer!"Lucy insisted.

"That's not true,"Susan defended. "And besides–nothing is more important than my sister. I will _always _have time for you, Lu."

Lucy looked into Susan's eyes. She was smiling, and there was a bold confidence in her eyes that made Lucy feel happy.

"I _know_,"she said shyly. Susan smiled, and hugged Lucy tightly.

"Now I want no more of these accusations that I'm too busy for my family,"Susan declared, standing up straight, and addressing all her siblings.

"No one's accusing you of anything, Su,"Peter remarked, confused.

"But it's true,"Edmund confirmed. Peter frowned.

"Edmund!"he snapped.

"Oh please. Like you haven't notice Susan's become the 'pretty one',"Edmund snorted. "I don't think there was a single party she didn't receive grand invitations to. She's too _popular_ for her family now!"

"That's not true!"Susan cried defensively.

"Edmund! That was a dreadful thing for you to say,"Peter scolded.

"I'm not saying anything dreadful! It's the truth,"Edmund insisted.

"So a few people invited me over for civil conversation. That's hardly grounds for becoming the neighborhood beauty, Ed,"Susan retorted.

"Ugh, it's the worse when you talk like _that_!"Edmund moaned.

"I think the prettier she gets the more _boring _she gets!"Lucy chimed in.

"Stop it this instant, you two!"Peter shouted. "What would mother and father think of your picking on Susan like this?"

"They'd find it dreadful–they just _adore _Su. All adults do,"Edmund snorted.

"Come off it!"Susan snapped.

"Ed, _please_,"Peter sighed, exasperated. "Perhaps some time apart will do us all some _good_..."

"Oh Peter!"Lucy cried suddenly. "How could you say that?! Things will never be better when we're not together!"

"I'm sorry Lucy,"Peter apologized, kneeling down to Lucy's level and patting her hair. "I just mean perhaps Ed and Su could use some time apart."

"Oh no–I just _adore _Susan's stuffy new attitude,"Edmund mocked.

"Oh _grow up_, Edmund!"Susan snapped.

"Both of you grow up!"Peter interjected, stepping between the two.

"That's exactly Susan's problem,"Edmund snapped.

At that moment the train pulled up, and the four Pevensies boarded without another word.

* * *

The four Pevensies once again found themselves aboard the train to school–after their second adventure in Narnia, aiding Prince Caspian to claim his rightful throne. 

"Well how am I supposed to sit through stuffy, boring old school after _that_?" Lucy moaned, slumping at the window and pouting.

"Now, now Lu. It will be fine," Susan assured her calmly. Lucy stared at her sister.

"Susan...you must be feeling so dreadful right now," she remarked. Susan frowned.

"Why?" she asked.

"You're never going back to Narnia!" Lucy cried. "Peter, Susan...why aren't you crying and screaming and positively throwing fits right this very moment?"

"That's a very childish thing to say, Lucy," Susan said.

"It's impossible to explain, Lucy. You'll know when your time comes," Peter assured her.

"I can't imagine going back without you two," Lucy said.

"I'm sure you'll manage," Peter laughed.

"Without the High King?" Edmund asked, in all seriousness.

"It's your turn to step up now, Ed," Peter said, grinning at his brother.

"But don't worry about it now, Edmund," Susan said suddenly. "You'll need to focus on your schoolwork."

"School is going to seem ten times more dull now that we've been back to Narnia," Edmund muttered.

"Don't worry, Ed," Susan repeated comfortingly.

Not long after, the train stopped, and it was time for the girls to leave. Lucy hugged Peter and Edmund tightly, as Susan grabbed their bags.

"I'll miss you both dreadfully," Lucy said.

"We'll miss you too, Lu," Peter said, patting her head gently.

Susan handed Lucy her suitcase, and Lucy dashed off the train. Susan and Peter exchanged weary smiles.

"Look after her, Su," Peter said.

"I always do," Susan replied.

"I know," Peter agreed. "Look after yourself too."

Susan just laughed, as she turned and kissed Edmund's head.

"If any bloke gives you trouble, I'll be on the first train over to put him in his place," Edmund insisted.

"Gee, thanks _King Edmund_," Susan teased. She smiled at her brothers. "I'll write as soon as I can."

"We'll be waiting to hear from you," Peter assured her.

And Susan left her brothers for another school year.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_The past exists only in our memories, the future only in our plans. The present is our only reality." – _Robert Pirsig

"SUSAN!"

Susan sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes and trying to find where the horrified yelp had come from. Suddenly she felt a pair of icy cold hands grasp hers.

"_Susan_!"

"Lucy? What's the matter? Are you all right?" Susan asked quickly.

"I had a horrible nightmare, Susan! All about Narnia, and Aslan, and the White Witch-"

"Shh," Susan hushed her hysterical sister. "Lucy, calm down. It was just a dream."

"But it was awful, Susan!" Lucy moaned. Susan could barely see her sister in the dark, but she could tell that she was crying.

"Come here, Lu." Susan helped Lucy up onto her bed, wrapping her arms around her sister.

"It was awful, Susan...it was the Stone Table again, with Aslan, and the Witch-" Lucy began, but Susan just hushed her.

"Shh. It's all over now, Lucy," she said calmly.

Lucy let out a deep breath, and was silent for a moment.

"Do you remember it, Susan?" she asked suddenly.

"Remember what?" Susan asked.

"The Stone Table?" Lucy asked. Susan closed her eyes, letting out a deep breath herself.

"I could never forget it," she said.

"Then how could you forget _him_?" Lucy asked softly. Susan frowned.

"What do you mean? I never forgot Aslan-" she began.

"You couldn't see him the last time we were there. You _wouldn't_ see him," Lucy pointed out. "Why?"

"I don't _know _why, Lucy," Susan sighed, exasperated.

"Was it a feeling? Were you scared?" Lucy continued.

"I don't know, Lucy. Sometimes people have feelings that they can't always explain," Susan repeated.

"Perhaps you just didn't know how to believe-"

"_Drop it_, Lucy!" Susan hissed suddenly. Lucy turned in Susan's arms, looking up at her sister's face. She didn't look angry. She looked sad, and hurt.

"I'm sorry," Lucy said softly. Susan let out another deep breath.

"It's not your fault," Susan assured her, stroking her hair gently.

"I miss it so much, Susan," Lucy nearly whispered.

"So do I, Lu."

* * *

It was a chilly evening toward the end of November, and Lucy came running into the older girl's chambers again.

"Susan!"

This time, however, Susan rolled over, shoved her pillow over her head and pretended not to have heard the cries of her younger sister. Lucy ran over to Susan's bedside, and began shaking her.

"Susan! Su!" she cried anxiously.

"Oh, for God's sake, _what_ now Lucy?!" Susan snapped angrily, sitting up abruptly.

"It was him again, Susan! I dreamed about him again!" Lucy said anxiously.

"Oh, _Lucy_!" Susan moaned. "When are you going to stop crying every time you have a dream about a lion?" Lucy was slightly taken aback by Susan's blunt, mean demeanor.

"It wasn't _a lion_, Susan. It was-"

"I know. _Aslan_," Susan sighed. "You've come screaming to me just about every other night all year, Lu."

"I think he's trying to tell me something," Lucy insisted. "I think something must be wrong, he wants us to come back-"

"Well have a jolly good time. Now let me get some sleep," Susan snapped. Lucy was shocked at Susan's pure nastiness.

"Susan...what's wrong?" she asked meekly. Susan sighed.

"_This _is wrong, Lucy. We're nearly two terms into the year, and you're still crying over fantasies from last summer," she said. Lucy was now horror-stricken.

"Take that back!" she said suddenly.

"Take _what _back?" Susan sighed in annoyance.

"You called it a fantasy!" Lucy cried. "Please, take it back!"

"Oh for heaven's sake Lucy! Grow up!" Susan snapped.

"Susan, please!" Tears were now falling from Lucy's eyes. "You don't mean it-"

"I'm done, Lucy. I'm done with lions and witches and _Narnia_. And I'm done with having to comfort and console you over things that don't even exist! Mum and dad are going to start to worry when they hear that you're still rambling on about this stuff every night! Peter and Edmund have already considered coming over before the holidays!" Susan practically shouted.

"I hope they come!" Lucy cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It will be much better than trying to talk to a _stuffy snob _like you!" And Lucy turned on her heel, running from the room.

"Lucy!" Susan called after her. But Lucy was already gone.

* * *

It was the holidays, and the four Pevensies were reunited again at the train station, ready to head home to their parents for Christmas.

Susan and Lucy were at the station first, baggage in hand.

"You must be excited to see Peter," Susan said, fixing Lucy's scarf.

"Very much," Lucy replied. Their conversations had not consisted of much more than that ever since their argument at the end of November.

"Lucy...I didn't tell them about our row," Susan said.

"No. So I did," Lucy replied. Susan stared at her sister.

"You wrote to Peter and Edmund?" she asked, surprised.

"I wrote to Peter," Lucy said.

"Why did you go and do that?" Susan demanded.

"I'm worried about you, Susan," Lucy said, staring her sister directly in the eyes for the first time in a month. Susan was appalled.

"Why on earth are you worried about _me_?" she asked.

"Because you've lost your faith," Lucy said softly.

"My faith? Faith in _what_? Lions and magical lands?" Susan snapped.

"There you go again!" Lucy cried. "I can't even bring it up without you becoming bitter!"

"Because I'm through, Lucy!" Susan replied. "I told you! I can't keep talking about these things!"

"Why, Susan? Why did you turn away? Just months ago you told me you could never forget Aslan!" Lucy pointed out.

"I didn't _forget_!" Susan yelled back. Lucy stopped, staring at her sister.

"Then why are you doing this?" she asked softly, tears forming in her eyes.

"Because...it's easier not to believe," Susan replied, in nearly a whisper. "I feel childish thinking of such things so seriously. It's easier not to think of them at all."

"But why are you in such a hurry to grow up?" Lucy demanded.

"Because I _have _to. I'll never go back. So what's the point in dwelling and believing? I need to move on. I need to grow up. Aslan made that quite clear," Susan said firmly.

"Oh Susan..." Tears were now streaming from Susan's eyes, and Lucy rushed forward to wrap her arms around her sister.

Just then the train pulled up. Susan quickly brushed away her tears, and Lucy let go of her sister, looking up at her sadly.

But Susan was all smiles as Peter and Edmund came rushing over to them.

"Susan! Lucy! Oh, it's so wonderful to see you two!" Peter cried, hugging both his sisters tightly. "Now what's this row you two've gotten yourselves into?"

"Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Just a childish little spat. We've resolved it already. Haven't we, Lu?" Susan said, turning to Lucy, who was shocked at Susan's dismissal, but could only force a smile.

"Oh yes. We're quite all right now."

"Swell!" Peter said happily. "Ed and I have loads to tell you. I can't wait to see mum and dad!"

Susan reached down and took Lucy's hand, as the two headed after their brothers. And Lucy was willing to take that as an apology.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Queen Susan**_

"_Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something. It's our goal in life to find it and to keep it lit." – _Mary Lou Retton

Queen Susan stood staring out the window of her brother's chambers. She was looking out across the grounds of Cair Paravel at the battle going on below. The battle in which her siblings were fighting.

The battle over her.

"Queen Susan?"

Susan turned to see Mr. Tumnus, the faun, standing in the doorway sheepishly.

"Begging your pardon, your Highness. I was just stopping by to check on your brother's affairs," he said, apologetically.

"Oh, of course. Don't let me be a bother to you," Susan said, turning back to the window.

"If you don't mind my asking–what's a great queen like yourself doing locked up in her brother's chambers, especially when he is away?" Mr. Tumnus inquired.

"I'm just watching after them," Susan said softly, staring sadly out the window.

"Oh, your Majesty, you shouldn't subject yourself to watching such destruction," Mr. Tumnus said, rushing over to the window. Susan frowned.

"And why not? My own siblings are down there risking their lives, and I'm not even supposed to watch?" she demanded.

"I beg your pardon, Queen Susan. I didn't mean to offend you," Mr. Tumnus said immediately. Susan sighed.

"I know you didn't. I'm sorry I snapped at you," she apologized. She continued to stare out the window longingly. "You know this battle is being fought over me?"

"Well, I think King Edmund would do just about anything to defend your honor, Queen Susan," Mr. Tumnus said. Susan frowned, laughing a little.

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked.

"He simply adores you. There's not a risk he wouldn't take to protect his favorite sibling," Mr. Tumnus said.

"_Favorite sibling_?" Susan repeated with a giggle. "And what about his brother, the High King?"

"Oh, he loves King Peter all right. He respects him as much as any younger brother should. But when he looks at you, Queen Susan–well, that's a different story completely," Mr. Tumnus said matter-of-factly.

Susan looked out the window at the battlefield where her brother was now risking his life to protect her from Prince Rabadash, her ruthless suitor who had brought the entire Calormene army to Narnia with intentions of kidnaping Susan and forcing her into marriage.

"You certainly make an excellent pair of diplomats," Mr. Tumnus continued, "what with your receiving the marriage proposals, and his knowledge of foreign affairs." Susan frowned.

"Sometimes I think that's all I am good for–receiving marriage proposals," she sighed. "All I can do for this country is form temporary treaties by promising to marry foreign rulers."

"Well Queen Susan, you're quite the beauty, if I may be so bold," Mr. Tumnus said.

"I thank you, Mr. Tumnus," Susan said politely, "but that is precisely what I am afraid of."

"Being beautiful is no curse, your Highness," Mr. Tumnus assured her.

"It is when the rest of your family is off earning their titles as Kings and Queens while you are sitting at home watching out the window because you are too _delicate _to fight," Susan snapped suddenly. She let out a deep breath, burying her face in her hands. Mr. Tumnus placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You've been a very influential figure in this Golden Age of Narnia, Queen Susan. You were there to witness the fall and rise of the great Aslan, were you not? And you're the greatest archer in these lands, your talents and known far and wide!" he insisted.

"Yes, and meanwhile my brother the High King Peter is off fighting giants, and King Edmund and Queen Lucy are battling the entire Calormene army," Susan spat.

"Please, Your Majesty-" Mr. Tumnus began.

"I know how my people feel. They don't respect me the way they do my siblings," Susan said firmly. That's when Mr. Tumnus noticed the tears forming in her eyes. "I have failed them."

"Oh no!" He rushed to Susan's side, producing a handkerchief as he did so. "I don't know where you've gotten such ideas, Queen Susan, but you ought to dismiss yourself of them this instant! You're a lovely sight, and an even stronger mind," he assured her. "Now run along and clean up. Your brothers will be home soon, and they'll positively throw a fit if they see you've been upset. Especially King Edmund."

Susan grinned, and squeezed Mr. Tumnus's hand.

"Thank you, Mr. Tumnus."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Queen Susan**_

"_Begin somewhere. You cannot build a reputation on what you intend to do." – _Liz Smith

King Edmund and Queen Lucy didn't return that evening after the battle, though news of their great defeat of the Calormenes was widespread through Narnia. They had chosen to reside with King Lune for a few days to resolve matters with Prince Rabadash before returning to Cair Paravel. However, the High King Peter arrived home just after dinner.

"Peter!" Queen Susan went running out to meet her older brother, wrapping her arms around him tightly the moment he entered the castle. Peter hugged her back just as tight.

"How are you, Susan?" he asked. "I heard all about Prince Rabadash and the Calormenes. I came back almost as soon as I had arrived."

"What about the giants?" Susan asked anxiously.

"There was no trouble. It was merely a trick, to lure me away from Cair Paravel so the Calormenes could attack," Peter assured her. "I hear tell Edmund and Lucy settled matters quite nicely though." Susan smiled weakly.

"They certainly did. They rode down into battle yesterday morning, and news of their triumph came this evening," she explained.

"I always knew Edmund had it in him," Peter said cheerfully. "And how about yourself? Not too shaken up, I hope?"

"_I_ didn't ride off into battle," Susan pointed out.

"I know, but this Prince fellow must have been just dreadful to you," Peter said. "I'm thinking of heading down to King Lune's tomorrow just to give him a word or two myself-"

"May I come?" The words left Susan's mouth before she could even process her thoughts. Peter was just as shocked as she was, and he stared at his sister a moment before speaking.

"Come?" he repeated. "You...you want to come to King Lune's?"

"Yes," Susan said, nodding.

"Why? Have you missed Edmund and Lucy that much?" Peter asked, obviously very confused.

"I want to see Prince Rabadash," Susan declared suddenly. Now Peter was completely flabbergasted.

"You...you _what_?" he asked.

"I want to speak to Prince Rabadash myself," Susan said, with more confidence.

"You want to see this scoundrel that has hounded you like a wolf for weeks, who planned to kidnap you and force you into marriage?" Peter asked, shocked.

"Please, Peter. This nonsense was all because of me. This is _my _fight. And just for once–I want to know what it is like to fight my own fight," Susan pleaded. Peter eyed his sister carefully for a moment. Then he smiled.

"Tomorrow morning we ride to King Lune's," he declared. Susan's entire face lit up.

"Oh Peter!" She flung her arms around his neck. "Thank you, Peter. Thank you so much!"

"Keep in mind that I am going to be right there beside you as we ride in, and will only leave your side through considerable force," Peter stated firmly.

"You are always quite comfortable leaving _Lucy's _side," Susan remarked.

"Lucy can handle herself better than most men I know," Peter said. "You are a princess, Su."

"A queen," Susan corrected softly. Peter just smiled.

"Get some sleep. We shall head out early tomorrow morning," he said. He stroked her face gently before walking off down the halls.

Susan stared after him even after he was long gone, one phrase repeating itself over and over in her head.

_You're a princess, Su._

* * *

The next morning, King Peter, Queen Susan and several horsemen set out towards the fortress of King Lune.

Susan looked around the wide, open land before her, a huge smile on her face. She looked even more beautiful than usual riding across the open plains, her long dark hair flowing freely behind her, her green eyes radiating in the sun. Peter felt a surge of warmth watching his sister so happy, rushing around the fields on horseback. She was an excellent rider, and her bow and arrows looked more prominent and fearful than ever strapped to her back.

They finally arrived outside the small fort where Lucy and Edmund were staying. As they approached, Queen Lucy came flying out the door.

"Susan! Peter!" she cried happily. Susan leapt down off her horse, rushing to meet Lucy. The two exchanged a loving hug, squeezing each other tightly. "Oh, this is such a marvelous surprise! What on earth are you two doing here?"

"Lucy! What is all this commotion?" At that moment, King Edmund came walking from the fort. Susan dashed over to him, flinging her arms around him. He was completely shocked, and couldn't even hug back at first. "..._Susan_?!"

"Oh Edmund, thank you!" Susan cried. "Thank you for rescuing me from Calormene, and fighting this battle."

"Well I couldn't let anyone harm my sister," Edmund said matter-of-factly. Susan grinned, and Edmund's face lit up as he gazed at his older sister.

"Now what brings you two down here?" Lucy demanded.

"We have come to see this Rabadash fellow," Peter stated. "Susan and I would both like to have a word with him."

Edmund and Lucy had grown suddenly silent, and Lucy looked as though she might burst out laughing any moment.

"What? What's wrong?" Peter asked, confused.

"Well, we had a small trial for Prince Rabadash yesterday," Edmund explained.

"Oh no–you didn't sentence him to death, did you?" Susan gasped.

"No," Edmund replied. "He is alive..."

That's when Lucy burst out laughing.

"Oh, Aslan took care of him!" she exclaimed.

"Aslan?" Peter and Susan repeated.

"Yes! He's here now!" Lucy cried excitedly. "And wait until you see silly old Rabadash..."

She ran to the back of the house, and a moment later returned with a donkey.

"Here he is, Susan! Your charming suitor!" Lucy announced, giggling all the while. Susan and Peter stared at the donkey in horror.

"You...you turned him into a donkey?" Susan asked, shocked.

"It was all Aslan's doing," Edmund said. "Old Rabadash was being perfectly dreadful throughout his trial, and he said some terribly nasty things about you, Susan–so Aslan took one breath and changed him into a true ass!"

Edmund and Lucy were practically in stitches now. Peter looked slightly amused, but Susan was crushed.

"Don't you find this just delightful, Susan?" Edmund asked. "He will never bother you again!" Susan looked from the donkey to her brother, who looked utterly perplexed.

"Oh...oh yes. It is quite amusing,"she said softly.

At that moment Aslan emerged from the fort, walking towards them. Peter and Susan immediately knelt down before him, as he approached.

"King Peter. Queen Susan," he greeted.

"Great King Aslan," Peter replied in greeting, as the two rose.

"What brings you to our midst?" Aslan asked.

"We came to speak with Prince Rabadash–but clearly you have things under control," Peter said with a grin.

"I do not tamper with such magic lightly. But I feared for your sister if this man were let to roam free," Aslan stated.

"Of course," Peter said, nodding. Susan still looked slightly heart broken.

"Queen Susan, are you not in favor of my decision?" Aslan asked suddenly. Susan's head snapped up, as she stared at the Lion.

"Oh...oh no, your Majesty. I thank you greatly for your protection," she said kindly, offering a curtsey to show her affection. Aslan nodded, though his eyes did not leave Susan's face.

"Come in, Peter, Susan!" Lucy said, rushing back towards the house. "You'll just adore King Lune!"

* * *

That evening, after dinner, Susan dismissed herself and went out to the stable. Her siblings were too wrapped up in discussions of battle to even notice her strange behavior, but Aslan found her kneeling before the donkey pen.

"You are not well, Queen Susan."

Susan jumped a little at the sound of his voice, turning to face him sadly.

"Oh, I beg your pardon, Aslan. I was just about to return..." she said, standing up.

"You shall not leave until you tell me your worries," Aslan commanded. Susan sighed.

"That's exactly the problem. I have no worries. Everyone else is constantly taking care of my problems for me," she stated.

"You feel you have not earned your throne?" Aslan asked curiously.

"Earned it long ago, yes. But what have I done to keep it? I have not fought any great battles. I have not chased away a single enemy. All I am good for is receiving the marriage proposals, which I cannot even take care of without Peter and Edmund to look after me!" Susan said. "Oh Aslan... I feel so dreadful. This was going to be my opportunity to prove to myself that I _could_ fight. I was going to tell Prince Rabadash what I thought, I was going to make sure he would never harm my people again. And now... it has been taken care of for me."

Aslan approached Susan, gently rubbing his mane against her cheeks, now wet with tears.

"I understand your sentiments, Queen Susan. And it is very noble of you to feel this way," he assured her. "However, your purpose is not to fight like the others. Each of you has a destiny to fulfill, a very different one. Yours perhaps is the most unique of them all."

Susan stared up at Aslan through her tears, curiously.

"What, Aslan? What am I here to do for Narnia?" she asked eagerly.

"You shall lead the people of Narnia to faith," Aslan said firmly. Susan frowned.

"Faith?" Susan repeated, frowning. "Am I to instruct them how to practice religion?"

"You shall not instruct anyone of anything. You shall show them, and those who are loyal will follow in your footsteps," Aslan replied.

"And those who are not loyal?" Susan asked.

"That is where your siblings come in," Aslan stated.

"And what shall they do?" Susan wondered.

"I cannot tell you the destiny of another, only your own," Aslan said. Susan nodded.

"So... I am to provide an example of faith in Narnia," she stated firmly.

"It will not be an easy journey. But that is what I believe you have been sent to us for," Aslan said, nodding. Susan grinned, stroking Aslan's mane.

"Thank you, Aslan," she said.

"Now, I believe there is someone you have a few words for," Aslan said suddenly. Susan frowned.

"I do not-"

"If it isn't the beautiful Queen Susan herself!"

Susan gasped, turning to see none other than Prince Rabadash standing in the pen beside her. She turned back to Aslan–but he was already gone.

"I knew I'd get my hands on you..." Rabadash said greedily, reaching out to touch Susan, who pulled away quickly.

"Touch me and suffer the consequences," she spat. Rabadash looked slightly taken aback for a moment, but then his face twisted into a malicious grin.

"Ha! Now we see the precious brat for what she really is," he growled. Susan glowered at him.

"How dare you speak that way about anyone," she snapped. "You are by far the lowest, most immoral Prince I have ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting. I cannot believe I ever found you charming." Rabadash cackled.

"Oh, continue your great Highness!" he mocked. "Your words simply burn me right to the core!"

"My words might not burn..."

And suddenly Prince Rabadash found himself face to face with a pointed arrow, strung stealthily in Susan's bow.

"But this will," Susan growled. He backed away, though still with a nasty glimmer in his eyes.

"You couldn't do it, " he snarled tauntingly.

"I have been training alongside my brothers all my life," Susan said. "And I can handle an arrow far better than they can."

"Of course... the beautiful ones are always the most vain," Rabadash muttered. Susan scowled.

"I am not vain," she snapped. Rabadash laughed in her face.

"And how many husbands have you turned down throughout your reign, Queen Susan?" he asked. "No one is good enough for the High King's beautiful sister! No one is good enough to share the throne with such a lovely sight! No, no! King Peter shall never be satisfied to give his spoiled sister over to any other man!"

"That is _not_ true!" Susan cried.

_You are a princess, Su..._

"Pretty little princess Susan... too dainty for any barbarian king!"

_You are a princess..._

"Far too gorgeous for any other man, so the throne of Narnia will never be held by anyone other than her brothers!"

"_STOP_!"

Rabadash froze backed up against the stable wall, an arrow not an inch above his head. His whole body shook with fear as he slowly stepped away.

Susan remained where she was, a new arrow aimed at Rabadash already.

"I am more than a pretty face, and I am much more than a princess. I am a Queen. And I can hold my ground without my brothers near."

She pointed her arrow directly at Rabadash's heart.

"Beg to differ?" Rabadash eyed her disdainfully for a moment... then shook his head. Susan lowered her arrow, and turned on her heel, heading out of the stable.

"Cruel, cold woman..."

And with that, Rabadash was pinned to the stable, unable to escape, as the arrows in his sleeves were dug too far into the stable wall to budge.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." – _Mary Pickford

The Pevensie children were going to be home for the summer holidays. Home, at their own house, with both their parents. No one was off in America, no one was studying for exams, and no one was staying with cousins. The four siblings were finally reunited.

"Oh, this holiday is going to be the most wonderful time!" Lucy gushed, as she and Susan walked up the hill towards their home.

"Slow down a bit, Lucy. You'll sprain your ankle running uphill with all your luggage," Susan called.

"Peter and Edmund are already up there, Susan!" Lucy cried excitedly, ignoring her sister's pleas. "Oh, I haven't seen Peter in ages!"

"I hear he's quite the athlete now," Susan said.

"Of course. And a bloody good scholar too," Lucy said happily.

"I do wish you wouldn't speak that way, Lu," Susan scolded.

"Edmund speaks that way _constantly_," Lucy defended.

"He shouldn't either. You're both far too young to be using such words," Susan said. Lucy frowned.

"You're not going to be this way all summer, are you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Susan asked.

"All _mature _and _nagging_," Lucy replied. "Just like you've been all year..."

"Lucy!" Susan cried. "You and I have been perfectly delightful these past few months! What's all this about now, just when we're about to spend a wonderful holiday?"

"Oh Susan, you've _changed_!" Lucy sighed. "Everyone can see it. You're so much more-"

"Boring? Yes, you and Ed never cease to remind me that the fact that I'd like to make it through school with passing marks makes me _boring_," Susan snapped.

"You're perfectly intelligent, Susan. And you're so lovely, I don't think it matters whether you can pass some stupid school exams or not-"

"Lucy, _stop it_!"

Lucy froze, shocked by her sister's sudden outburst. They had come to a complete halt, just feet from the top of the hill.

"I have been trying very hard to bring up my marks this year. I do not merely get good marks because I'm _lovely_. And I don't appreciate you saying so," Susan said sternly.

"You act like it's some terrible _curse _to be pretty," Lucy grumbled.

"It is when that's all people see you for," Susan retorted. "Now come, and not another word about this. We're about to see Peter and Edmund again. Let's be happy."

And Susan took off up the hill. Lucy glared after her for a moment... then sighed, and followed.

* * *

The siblings had a wonderful reunion with each other, and with their parents. They talked for hours and hours, sharing stories of school, and friends, and how much they had missed each other.

They ate dinner with their parents, then decided to sit out in the yard and enjoy the summer's evening.

"Look at the sky, Peter!" Lucy gasped, as she and Peter stepped out onto the porch while Susan and Edmund changed into more appropriate summer clothing.

"It's lovely," Peter said, smiling.

"It reminds me of the skies of Narnia," Lucy said softly. Peter's smile faded.

"I wish I could remember," he said. Lucy looked up at him in horror.

"You...you can't remember Narnia?" she asked.

"It's been ages, Lucy. I've nearly forgotten everything about the place," Peter admitted.

"Oh Peter, that's dreadful!" Lucy shrieked.

"I've so many other things to think about. Just as Susan has, and you will soon," Peter replied.

"Susan practically _forced _Narnia out of her memories..." Lucy muttered. Peter frowned.

"You two haven't had another row, have you?" he asked.

"She's not the same at all any more, Peter!" Lucy wailed. "She's gotten so _boring_, and so _sour_! She's so angry about being pretty-"

"Now Lucy, Susan's been working very hard this year," Peter interjected.

"That's all I hear about!" Lucy snapped. "She can be perfectly dreadful, and I can't even complain because Susan's been working _so hard_."

"You'd be smart to stop speaking of your sister in such a way," Peter scolded.

"Oh Peter, you can't really be choosing her side?" Lucy moaned.

"I'm not choosing anyone's _side_. But you're saying some awful things about Susan. Just because she doesn't want to talk about Narnia any more doesn't make her a bad sister," Peter said firmly. Lucy stared at him, her eyes welling with tears.

"You're the same way! Neither of you can understand any more!" she cried. And she ran off the porch, across the yard.

"Lucy!" Peter called. He sighed.

At that moment, Edmund and Susan came walking out of the house.

"What's all this shouting about?" Edmund asked.

"It's just Lucy. She was being dreadful, and when I told her to stop, she ran off crying," Peter sighed. "Perhaps I should go talk to her..."

"Don't bother," Edmund snorted.

"She'll only tell you it's because you don't believe in fairy tales any more," Susan said snidely.

"She's been that way ever since we last returned from Narnia," Edmund explained.

"I've noticed," Peter sighed, sadly.

At that moment, a young man came walking out from behind the Pevensie's home with a wheel barrow. He was tall, with sun-tanned skin and wispy blond hair. He was very muscular, and carried himself with a confidence that made him seem instantly attractive.

"And who is this hooligan?" Peter wondered, squinting to see better. Suddenly the young man stopped, staring at the three children.

"Are those the Pevensies I see?" he called.

"MacGregor?!" Peter called back.

The two boys let out huge laughs as they flew across the yard, meeting in a hug in the middle of the lawn. Edmund and Susan were right behind, watching curiously.

"Peter Pevensie! Blimey, I 'aven't seen you since you was in grade school!" the boy laughed.

"And Bobby MacGregor! You used to be the scrawniest kid I ever knew! I never would have recognized you in a million years," Peter replied.

"Bobby?!" Edmund exclaimed.

"Ed!" Bobby MacGregor cried. "Oh, ye've become a regular young man, 'aven't ya?"

"Bobby?" Susan said softly.

Bobby looked over at Susan, and froze. His eyes went wide and he just stared for a moment before speaking.

"And 'oo's this? 'ave yeh got yerself a girl, Peter?" Bobby asked, not taking his eyes from Susan.

"Bobby, it's me! Susan!" Susan cried.

Bobby choked on the piece of straw he had been chewing on, spitting it into the grass.

"_Su_?" he exclaimed.

"Yes!" Susan laughed. "Oh Bobby, it's so nice to see you again!"

"...yes, of course!" Bobby spluttered. "Ye've grown into quite a lovely young lady, Miss Pevensie."

"Oh please," Susan snorted. "Don't mock me with this 'Miss Pevensie' business."

"Beggin' yer pardon, Miss Susan. I didn't intend to poke fun at yeh," Bobby insisted. He managed to tear his eyes away from Susan long enough to smile at the three siblings. "Well, well, well... the Pevensie children return. I never thought I'd see the day. 'ow's life at them boardin' schools?"

"Stuffy and dull as always," Edmund grumbled.

"Come off it, Ed," Peter snapped, punching Edmund's shoulder. Bobby laughed.

"I never imagined I'd like school much," he said. "I 'ave been studyin' though."

"Have you?" Peter asked.

"Yessir. Taught meself to read a few years ago. Mum wadn't too thrilled 'bout the idea, but it's been a wonder," Bobby explained.

"How's your mum? Still cooking?" Peter asked.

"She's landed a job at one of them public schools in town, cookin' lunches," Bobby explained. "She loves it, and she's makin' quite a bit more money."

"That's splendid," Peter said, grinning. "And yourself, Bob?"

"Ah, well, I've been doing me usual work 'round the neighborhood. Yer parents have been right nice to me, lettin' me sleep 'ere when I work too late and such," Bobby said.

"Do you remember the bloody swell times we used to have down at the brook?" Edmund said suddenly.

"Chasin' 'em frogs, and skippin' rocks 'cross the water!" Bobby laughed.

"You used to be positively dreadful, and chase Lucy and I with the frogs once you caught them!" Susan recalled.

"Not MacGregor. He always stood up for you girls," Edmund remarked.

"That's true. Bobby always had a certain respect that _you two _lacked," Susan said, grinning over at Bobby, who turned bright red.

"Why don't you come spend the evening with us, Bobby?" Peter offered. "We've got plenty of food left over from dinner if you're hungry."

"Aw, no thank yeh, sir. I've still got quite a bit more work to be done," Bobby said.

"Well, we'd best be seeing you around here this week," Peter said, with a grin.

Bobby looked up, catching Susan's eyes. He smiled.

"Don't worry. Yeh will."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_We are not what we know, but what we are willing to learn." – _Mary Catherine Bateson

As the days went on, Lucy seemed to recover from her anger towards her older siblings. The Pevensies traveled everywhere together, from the beach, to the park, into town to shop. And not a word was spoken about Narnia.

Meanwhile, Bobby MacGregor had become a regular addition to the family. He arrived every morning to work in the yard, and always ended up with the four siblings by the end of the day.

"...and Edmund sent that rock flying clear over the whole pond!"

Everyone erupted into laughter as Peter finished telling a story about Edmund and a rock-skipping contest from their youth.

"Peter's just jealous that he could never throw a rock so far!" Edmund insisted, which earned more laughter.

"We used to have such jolly good times, didn't we?" Lucy sighed, laying on her back in the grass.

"We still do," Susan said, stroking Lucy's hair gently.

"When we're together," Lucy agreed. "We're hardly _ever _together any more."

"Well, that's school life, Lucy," Peter said.

The children all sighed, gazing up at the quickly setting sun.

"It's getting rather late. We'd best be getting inside," Peter said, standing up.

"Er, well, I was wond'rin if I might take Miss Susan fer a little walk 'round the streets, sir?" Bobby stammered suddenly.

Susan looked just as shocked as her siblings, as they all stared at Bobby, who ruffled his blond hair nervously. Peter looked from Susan to Bobby for a moment... then shrugged.

"I don't see why not," he said. "You just have her home by a good hour, MacGregor."

Bobby grinned widely, as did Susan.

"Certainly, sir. Thank yeh," he said. And he grinned over at Susan, as the two walked down the yard.

Edmund and Lucy both giggled, running inside quickly so as not to laugh. Peter stopped at the porch, turning to look back at his sister and the family servant, walking together down the hill.

* * *

"What's all this about, Bobby?" Susan asked curiously, as the two headed down the hill, away from her siblings.

"Well, Miss Susan... I 'ad a bit of'n idea th'other day," Bobby began nervously. He was twisting his fingers frantically, and refused to make eye-contact with Susan.

"Yes?" Susan asked, curiously.

"I, er... well, I was wond'rin if yeh might be able to... um... teach me some stuff," Bobby managed to splutter out. Susan frowned.

"Teach you stuff?" she repeated, confused. "What kind of stuff?"

"Y'know. All them maths yer learnin' in school. And geography. I'd like to learn more 'bout geography," Bobby said eagerly.

"And why are you coming to _me_?" Susan had to ask. "Why not ask Peter, or Edmund?"

"Well, yeh know 'ow it is... what with me bein' a servant to yer family n' all. I know Mister Peter wouldn't be in any 'urry to be teachin' me thin's. And Mister Edmund... well, 'ee's a bit young. And 'sides, yeh've always been right nice to me. I just... I feel more comfortable with yeh, I guess," Bobby blurted out quickly.

He now looked up at Susan sheepishly, as if he were expecting automatic rejection. But Susan smiled kindly.

"Well, I'm really not the best when it comes to schoolwork," she confessed, "but I think I could manage to pass on at least some of my knowledge of geography."

Bobby beamed, his entire face lighting up.

"That's all I ask!" he said excitedly. "Thank yeh, Miss Susan. Yer a right angel, yeh are!"

"Nonsense. I'm merely doing a favor for a friend," Susan insisted.

"I owe yeh, Miss Susan, I truly do..." Bobby continued.

"Absolutely not," Susan said firmly. "Robert MacGregor, this is an act of friendship from me to you. You do not owe me a thing, and you never _will_. Understood?"

Bobby grinned, and Susan's stern face melted into a smile as well, as the two began laughing hysterically, as they walked down to the beach to begin their studies.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_There is no security on this earth, only opportunity." – _Douglas MacArthur

As the summer weeks continued, Bobby didn't miss a day with the Pevensies. Or an evening with Susan.

Every night, they went on their walks down to the beach, where Susan taught Bobby all the geography and math she knew. And every night Susan came home later and later.

"I want you two home at a good hour tonight, MacGregor," Peter said, as Susan and Bobby were about to head off one evening.

"O' course, sir," Bobby said politely, bowing his head.

Lucy and Edmund were waiting on the porch as Peter walked up the stairs.

"They've become awfully cozy," Edmund remarked. Peter frowned.

"Come off it, Ed," he snapped.

"What? It's true!" Edmund insisted. "Susan's mad about MacGregor. And he rather fancies _her _too."

"Edmund that's a dreadful thing to say! And you know it's not true," Peter scolded.

"It _is_ true!" Lucy chimed in. "Susan positively adores him!"

"Susan and Bobby are good friends," Peter stated firmly. "But Bobby MacGregor is still a servant to this family, and Susan would never think to have any feelings for him. She'd be dishonoring our family."

"Like she'd care..." Lucy muttered.

"What has gotten into you, Lucy?" Peter demanded. "All summer now you've been positively beastly towards Susan!"

"She's outgrown us, Peter!" Lucy insisted. "All she cares about now is being _grown-up_. And she doesn't even appreciate being pretty! She acts as if it's positively the most dreadful thing in the world!"

"Now Lucy, Susan is growing older. She's got to be thinking about working, and getting married, and starting a family soon. I do too," Peter explained. He looked at his two younger siblings sadly. "You don't know how much I'd love to get back to Narnia with you two. I would. And so would Susan. But we can't. So we have to move on."

"But _you're _not dreadful about it," Lucy grumbled.

Peter sighed, and stormed into the house. Edmund rolled his eyes, and followed Peter.

Lucy looked out at Susan and Bobby... just in time to see them kiss.

* * *

"I want you two home at a good hour tonight, MacGregor."

"O' course, sir."

Bobby and Susan started down the hill together, as Peter, Edmund and Lucy headed back towards the house.

"I, er... I want ter thank yeh again, Miss Susan," Bobby said, as he and Susan began walking towards the beach.

"I do wish you'd stop calling me 'Miss' Susan, Bobby," Susan sighed.

"Beggin' yer pardon, but I can't 'elp it. Yer my superior," Bobby replied. "Anyways, I wanted to thank yeh fer everythin' yeh've done fer me. It's been a world of 'elp knowin' all this math n' geography. Yeh can't even imagine." Susan grinned.

"It's no trouble at all. Geography is about the only thing I'm good at anyhow," she said.

"I find that 'ard to believe, Miss Susan," Bobby laughed.

"It's true," Susan insisted. "I'm no good at school work. That's why my parents took me to American with them last summer. Peter got to go study for his exams, and I got to be taken to America to be shown off at my father's conferences."

"Shown off?" Bobby repeated curiously.

"Oh yes. Mother would dress me up in the loveliest gowns every evening, and parade me around at social gatherings," Susan explained.

"Well, pardon my sayin' so... but that don't sound so bad," Bobby remarked.

"It isn't. It's positively the easiest thing in the world. And I _hate _it," Susan spat suddenly. "I hate that I can _only _handle the easiest tasks in the world. That I'm not intelligent enough for _real_ work, like my siblings. All I can do is look attractive. I don't want to sound selfish, or ungrateful–but even my younger sister thinks it's all I'm good for!"

A few tears ran from Susan's eyes. Bobby quickly took her hand, brushing away the tears on her cheeks.

"I want yeh to listen ter me, Miss Susan, and listen good," he said. "Yeh've taught me a whole ten years worth of school-learnin' in one summer. I'm twice the man I was at the beginnin' of the 'olidays thanks to yeh! Yer perfectly beautiful too... I won't deny that. But if yeh still think that's all yer good fer? Well, there yeh'd be wrong, Miss Susan. Wrong indeed."

Susan smiled at Bobby, grasping his hand, which lingered on her cheek...

And the two met in a kiss before they even knew what they were doing.

Bobby pulled away first, though reluctantly.

"Miss Susan..."

"Bobby... I think I-"

"Don't say it, Miss Susan."

"Why not?"

"Because it'll jus' make it harder when we can't be tegether."

"_Why_? Why can't we be together?"

"I already told yeh. We're not equals."

"I don't care!"

"But yer family does!"

Susan and Bobby were inches apart, staring each other down fiercely. Tears began welling in Susan's eyes again.

"Bobby..."

"Yeh best be gettin' 'ome. Yer brother'll be lookin' fer yeh," Bobby muttered.

"Bobby, please-"

But Bobby turned quickly, running down the hill.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." – _Harriet Braiker

Two weeks went by. It was merely days from the end of the holidays now. Susan and Bobby barely spoke, and the other Pevensies remained ignorant as to the reason for their abrupt distance.

Lucy did not speak of what she had seen.

It was three days before the end of the holidays, and the Pevensies were hosting a dinner party at their home. All the neighbors were there, and the children had to get dressed nicely and be prepared to entertain.

"Lucy, could you pass me the perfume?"

Susan and Lucy were in their room, fixing up before going downstairs. Susan was in a stunning new gown Mrs. Pevensie had bought her in the city. It was a lovely purple silk that reminded Lucy of her sister's robes as Queen of Narnia. But she kept that to herself.

Lucy obediently picked up the perfume, handing it carefully to Susan, who squirted it on delicately.

"Susan... could I wear some?" Lucy asked suddenly. Susan turned to her sister.

"You want to wear perfume?" she asked.

"I just want to try some," Lucy replied. Susan grinned.

"Of course," she said. "Come, stand right here..."

Susan sprayed a little squirt on Lucy, causing her to giggle.

"Did that tickle?" Susan asked teasingly.

"No!" Lucy insisted, though she was still giggling. Susan grinned.

"Oh really?" she asked. "Well, this might!"

And Susan began squirting Lucy like mad, as Lucy shrieked and giggled, trying to escape her sister.

"Susan? What are you doing?"

Both girls froze at the sound of Mrs. Pevensie's voice from the doorway. She was staring at Susan with wide eyes.

"Lucy just... wanted to try some perfume," Susan replied, quickly putting the bottle back on the vanity.

"That is very expensive, Susan. I'd expect you to know better," Mrs. Pevensie scolded. She walked over to Susan, standing her up straight. She grinned. "That color looks simply smashing on you. We'll have to find more of this material."

She turned Susan around, examining every inch of her. Lucy watched from the bed, not moving.

"You look stunning," Mrs. Pevensie decided, grinning. "But... "And she reached into Susan's hair, plucking out a flower shaped barrett. "None of these childish things."

"Oh, but it was a gift–" Susan began.

"And it looks foolish on you. Now give it to Lucy," Mrs. Pevensie said, shoving the barrett into Susan's hand. "Make sure your hair is done up tighter. I don't want it getting ruined."

And Mrs. Pevensie walked from the room.

Susan sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, before walking over to Lucy.

"Here," she said, shoving the barrett at her.

"I thought it looked lovely in your hair," Lucy said.

"It's... childish," Susan muttered, though Lucy could tell it hurt her to say so.

"Susan–"

"Come on, you two! Half the guests have already arrived!" Edmund cried, as he and Peter came walking into the girl's room.

"Then go join them!" Lucy snapped back.

"We won't go down without you," Peter insisted, grinning.

Susan pinned her hair up quickly, patted it tightly, and let out a deep breath.

"Let's go, shall we?" she said.

Peter extended his arm for her, and she took it, as they walked out of the room. Edmund frowned at Lucy, who stuck out her tongue at him.

"Let's go!" he snapped.

* * *

"Oh, your children are positively lovely, Cecilia!"

"Susan and Peter look absolutely enchanting this evening, David."

"That Susan Pevensie–what a beauty!"

"She and her older brother are simply the most handsome couple here tonight."

The Pevensie parents beamed as they received raves about their children's appearances and behaviors all evening.

"Oh Cecilia, it's been such a lovely night!" the Pevensie's neighbor, Dolores Cumberland, gushed on her way out.

"Oh, thank you, Dolores," Mrs. Pevensie said, smiling.

"Your children are always such delights," Dolores continued. "That oldest daughter of yours–she's quite the beauty. She and her brother are so refined."

"Yes. Peter's just finished his exams, he'll be heading back to London to finish off school this year," Mrs. Pevensie said proudly.

"I hear tell he's quite the athlete as well," Dolores said, grinning.

"Ah yes," Mrs. Pevensie laughed.

"He's such a wonderful role model for his younger brother," Dolores remarked.

"That he is. Edmund was just dreadful when he was young, but Peter's been such a good influence on him," Mrs. Pevensie said. "Lucy can still be quite the terror, though..."

"Oh, she's an absolute cherub, Cecilia," Dolores insisted.

"She hasn't _half _the charms of her sister," Mrs. Pevensie sighed. "I don't know what we'll do with her. She's still babbling on about childhood fantasies, and magic lands. Susan tells me she's not getting on well at school, and she's been positively terrible to her siblings all holiday. David and I simply don't know what to do with her!"

"She's young, Cecilia," Dolores said kindly.

"She's not _that_ young. Susan was done with all her silly little fairy tales by the age of six. Lucy is simply _impossible_," Mrs. Pevensie snapped.

There was a small cry from behind her, and Mrs. Pevensie turned to see Lucy standing behind her, eyes filled with tears, anguish on her face.

"Oh! Lucy, I..." she gasped.

"Susan is _not _perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_There is no security on this earth, only opportunity." – _Douglas MacArthur

"Oh, your children are positively lovely, Cecilia!"

"Susan and Peter look absolutely enchanting this evening, David."

"That Susan Pevensie–what a beauty!"

"She and her older brother are simply the most handsome couple here tonight."

Susan rolled her eyes as yet another old woman patted her cheeks and told her how lovely she was.

"Well, looks like you're the belle of the ball tonight," Peter, who had remained at his sister's arm all night, remarked.

"They're all rather fond of you as well," Susan pointed out. "What is it they call you? _The Football Star_?"

Susan and Peter shared a laugh, but Susan stopped quickly, her eyes freezing on the door.

"Susan?" Peter said curiously.

"What is _he_ doing here?"

That's when Peter spotted Bobby MacGregor standing in the doorway, looking around nervously. He was dressed nicely in an old tux, his usually messy blond hair parted and slicked back.

"Ah! Bobby looks bloody fantastic, doesn't he?" Peter remarked. Susan didn't reply. Peter looked at his sister, then at Bobby, who was still looking around. "Is everything all right between you two?"

"Just swell," Susan growled, as Bobby finally spotted her, and came walking towards them.

"MacGregor!" Peter greeted warmly. "This is a pleasant surprise. Did my parents invite you over?"

"Aye, sir, just this evening," Bobby replied, staring at Susan. "Yeh look beautiful, Miss Pevensie."

"Thank you, Robert," Susan replied coldly.

"I was wond'rin if I might 'ave a word with yeh?" Bobby asked, staring at Susan hopefully. Susan stared at him for a long moment.

"Shall we go upstairs?" she said finally. Bobby nodded.

"Yes, ma'am."

And Susan took Bobby's arm, as the two headed up the stairs together.

* * *

Susan led Bobby into the upstairs lounge, closing the door behind them.

"What do you want, Bobby?" she asked immediately.

"I need to speak to yeh, Miss Susan," Bobby replied, turning to face her.

"I think you made your feelings perfectly clear the last time we spoke," Susan snapped.

"That's not true," Bobby said suddenly. "I thought I understood..."

"You kiss me, then you tell me we can never be together. I must say, _I_ didn't completely understand," Susan replied coldly.

"I thought that I could forgit 'ow I felt that night. 'ow I've felt all summer. I thought once I wadn't near yeh these feelin's would go away, and we could be friends again. But I was wrong. I can't stop thinkin 'bout yeh, Miss Susan. I... I feel like dyin' when yer not around me!" Bobby explained. Susan's eyes were welling with tears again.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

"Because I'm in love with yeh, Susan!" Bobby cried.

Susan stared at Bobby, eyes wide, barely breathing. Bobby's eyes were locked on Susan's face, waiting for any sign of a reaction.

"I'm sorry," he said, after a moment. "I shouldn't've said anythin'..."

He began to walk out the door, when suddenly Susan spoke up.

"You didn't call me 'Miss'."

Bobby stopped in the doorway, turning to face Susan.

"No. I didn't," he said softly.

Susan ran to Bobby, kissing him even more passionately than the first time. This time Bobby welcomed the kiss, wrapping his arms around Susan tightly, as if she may disappear at any moment.

"Bobby, I..."

"So it's true."

Susan and Bobby leapt apart. Mr. Pevensie stood in the doorway, glaring at the two angrily.

"...dad?" Susan said, staring at her father in shock and horror.

"My daughter, running around with the _servants_!"he growled.

"Dad, you're being ridiculous-" Susan began.

"Not a word from you, Susan! Get out of here _now_," Mr. Pevensie commanded.

"Please, sir, it's not 'er fault-" Bobby insisted.

"You are the _last _person I want to hear from right now!" Mr. Pevensie shouted at him.

"Susan's done nothin' wrong!" Bobby cried.

"I will be the judge of that, young man!" Mr. Pevensie hollered. "Now get out of my home before I have to make you!"

Bobby remained where he was, glaring at Mr. Pevensie. Then he turned to Susan.

"Bobby..." Susan cried, as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I love you, Susan," he said.

"GET OUT!" Mr. Pevensie screeched.

And Bobby ran from the room, and down the stairs.

"Bobby!" Susan called after him.

"Get to your room now, Susan," Mr. Pevensie growled.

"Dad-"

"NOW!"

Susan let out a sob as she too ran out the door.

As she stepped outside the doorway, she spotted Lucy standing in the corner, staring up at her with wide-eyes, looking guilty. Susan glared down at her for a moment...

...and ran to her room, slamming the door.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_If you don't care, why should they?" – _Jacquelynne Reaves

Mr. Pevensie banned Bobby MacGregor from working on any of their property the next morning.

Several of the party guests had been downstairs when Mr. Pevensie had gone storming up, and had seen Bobby run out the door. Rumors were already beginning to spread through the neighborhood like wildfire. Mrs. Pevensie was in a complete state of disgrace, and would not speak to Susan.

Susan was not anxious to speak to her family either. She only came down for meals, and would not look at or speak to anyone. Especially not Lucy, who made several attempts to catch Susan's eye, and even speak to her, all of which were completely ignored.

Peter and Edmund had also learned of what had happened, and Peter, determined to please his father, had also turned his back on Susan, insisting that her feelings for Bobby were 'dishonoring the family'. Peter's reaction angered Susan perhaps more than anyone else's, because she knew that was not truly how he felt.

Edmund was the only one who had remained very quiet about the whole matter, perhaps because he didn't entirely understand. Or perhaps because he didn't entirely agree with his family.

It was the end of dinner on the last evening of the holidays. Mr. Pevensie cleared his throat and rose, prepared to make an announcement.

"Tomorrow morning we shall all be taking the train into London to escort you children back to school," he announced. "Professor Diggory Kirke shall be joining us, I believe."

"Splendid," Peter said. "I do adore that old chap."

Susan stood up, pushing her chair in.

"May I please be excused?" she asked coldly.

"Don't you want to hear our travel plans?" Mr. Pevensie asked.

"I believe I can remember how to get back to school," Susan snapped. And she picked up her plate, heading towards the kitchen.

"Susan, what are you doing?" Mr. Pevensie demanded.

"I'm cleaning up," Susan replied.

"That is for the servants to do," Mr. Pevensie stated firmly. Susan stared back coldly.

"I know."

And she marched into the kitchen with her plate. Peter put down his napkin, standing up and following his sister into the kitchen.

"Susan."

Susan didn't turn from the sink, where she was running water over her dirty dinner plate.

"Please leave, Peter," she said calmly.

"Susan, what do you mean to achieve by being stubborn like this?" Peter demanded.

"I find it rather difficult to remain obedient to people whom I utterly despise," Susan growled, beginning to scrub her plate frantically.

"You're being completely ridiculous," Peter insisted.

"Am I?" Susan asked, whirling on her brother. "At least I'm staying true to what I believe."

"What are you talking about?" Peter demanded.

"I know you don't really feel this way towards Bobby," Susan explained. "You two have been friends– _best friends _–since you were children! You can't possibly frown upon my relationship with him when you're just as guilty as I am!"

"There is a difference between friendship and a relationship, Susan," Peter insisted.

"They're both love!" Susan defended. "Caring about someone is loving them, Peter! Are you going to tell me that you don't give a damn in the world about what happens to Bobby MacGregor?"

Susan could see her brother was struggling frantically to answer correctly. He almost looked pained as he stared back at her.

"... it's wrong, Susan. I don't know _why_, but I know that dad is unhappy, and so is the rest of the town. And... I can't support you on something that is frowned upon by everyone else. I just _can't_," he finally stated. Susan nodded, as tears welled in her eyes.

"Glad to see you've made your choice," she spat.

"Susan, I haven't chosen anything-"

"You've chosen the opinions of people we barely know over that of your own sister!" Susan pointed out.

"If I want to become a respectable man amongst this society when I grow older, I have to abide by what they believe!" Peter defended.

"Have a jolly good time. Don't expect to hear from me!" Susan growled, slamming a glass into the sink and shattering it.

Peter and Susan stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring at each other for a long moment. Peter stepped towards Susan, extending his arm...

"I'm sorry-"

But Susan shrugged away, turning back to the sink.

"_Get out_."

Peter slowly turned and left the kitchen. The second the door closed, Susan broke down into sobs, tossing her plate into the sink.

* * *

That evening, Susan headed up to her room, only to find Lucy waiting for her at the top of the stairs. She brushed right by, not evening glancing at her younger sister.

"Susan, please look at me!" Lucy pleaded, following Susan down the hall.

"I have nothing to say to you," Susan replied coldly.

"I'm sorry, Susan!" Lucy cried. Susan stopped, and to Lucy's shock, let out a harsh, cold laugh.

"You're _sorry_?" she repeated, turning to face her sister. "You went to mum and dad. You _told _them about me and Bobby. You stripped me of the one person I truly loved!"

"I didn't know-" Lucy began.

"Oh, you knew _very well _what consequences of your actions," Susan snapped.

"I was angry!" Lucy blurted out. "I heard mum saying how lovely you are, and how dreadful I am, and I wanted her to see that you weren't perfect!"

Susan stared at her sister, eyes wide, cheeks flushed.

"Well, you must be quite pleased with yourself then," she growled, before storming down the hall.

"Susan, please!" Lucy cried, running after her frantically. "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Susan slammed the bedroom door in Lucy's face without another word.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_Destiny is not a matter of chance; but a matter of choice." – _William Jennings Bryant

Susan awoke in the middle of the night, after a terrible nightmare in which a giant lion had torn Bobby away from her. Shaken by the visions, Susan went downstairs to get a drink of water...

...only to find her brother Edmund already there.

"Oh... Edmund," Susan said, surprised. Edmund looked up at his sister, and grinned.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked. Susan let out a deep breath, taking a seat beside her brother.

"I keep having these horrible nightmares..." she confessed.

"About Bobby?" Edmund wondered. Susan looked up at Edmund's face to see his expression. To her surprise, he didn't look angry.

"Yes. Bobby and... well, I can't say for sure, it's been so long, but... I think it might be _Aslan_," Susan almost whispered. Edmund stared at his sister sadly.

"I haven't heard you say his name since we were children," he remarked. Susan sighed.

"I know. I can't even say it any more without feeling... _wrong _inside," she said. "I've betrayed him, Edmund."

"Impossible. What have you done to betray Aslan?" Edmund asked.

"Oh, plenty," Susan snorted. "I've denied him. I've lied about remembering. I feel ashamed whenever I think, or speak, of Narnia at all. I've lost my faith. I... I've listened to fears."

"Everyone slips, Susan," Edmund stated.

"I'm afraid I've fallen," Susan admitted. Edmund reached out, taking his sister's hand.

"You've done nothing wrong," he insisted. "I don't care what the rest of them say. Bobby's always been a friend of ours, and I can't see what's wrong with you falling in love with him." Tears streamed down Susan's cheeks as she leapt up and hugged Edmund tightly.

"Oh Edmund!" she cried into his shoulder. Edmund hushed her, patting her back.

"Shh. It's all right, Su," he assured her. Susan pulled away, staring at her younger brother.

"You're so wise, Ed... and so _just_," she said. "You really are a king." Edmund grinned.

"You know I'd do anything for you, Su," he assured her. "Just like with Prince Rabadash, and the Calormenes. Do you remember?"

"It's like a dream," Susan said softly. "But I remember."

Susan and Edmund sat together in the dark kitchen for a while, just holding hands, and enjoying the peace it gave them.

"Well... we'd better get to sleep. The sun's going to rise in a few hours, and the Professor will be here before we know it."

Edmund walked Susan up to her room, where they hugged one last time.

"Thank you, Edmund."

"We'll all get back again, Susan. Don't worry."

* * *

The next morning was a complete frenzy. Professor Diggory Kirke arrived, the old professor in whose house the children had first discovered Narnia. The children had to gather all their belongings for school, and prepare for the long train ride they would be taking.

When that morning came, everyone piled into two taxi cars, all their luggage in tow. Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy were in one cab, their parents and Professor Kirke in another. Barely anyone spoke the entire ride, as Peter and Susan were still in a row, and Susan would not even look at Lucy.

They all boarded the train together, Peter and Lucy sitting side-by-side, and Susan staying right by Edmund.

About a half hour into the train ride, the children noticed the train beginning to pick up speed.

"Does the train seem to be going quicker than usual?" Lucy asked, glancing out the window cautiously.

"I'm sure this is ordinary," Peter replied. Though he didn't appear too sure.

Suddenly there was a horrible screech. The train jerked forward, then backwards, then began rocking frantically. Baggage was tumbling onto the children, as all the lights around them shattered and blew out. The children were screaming, and frantically grabbing for each other, as bits of glass scratched them all over, and large suitcases and bags tumbled onto their heads.

"_Peter_! _Susan_!" Lucy shrieked.

"_Take my hand, Lucy_!" Peter called. Suddenly the lamp flew off the ceiling, crashing down on top of both Peter and Lucy.

"_NO_!" Susan screamed. "_Peter_! _Lucy_!"

She tried to reach her siblings, but the train jerked back again, and Susan flew into the opposite wall.

"_Susan_!" She could heard Edmund calling her name.

"_Edmund_!" she called. "_EDMUND_!"

She grasped her brother's hand for a quick moment... before the wall of the car came crashing in on them.

"_SUSAN_!"


	12. Chapter 12

_**Narnia**_

"_Turn your face to the sunshine and all shadows fall behind." – _Helen Keller

Lucy opened her eyes to find herself not among the wreckage of the horrible train crash... but in the magical land of Narnia yet again.

"_Narnia_!" she exclaimed, running through the open field in which they had landed, laughing and screaming at the top of her lungs. "We're back! _We're back_!"

"This is absolutely incredible," Peter said, looking around in shock. "We're _really _back."

"It mustn't have been a train crash back in London–it was someone summoning us back!" Edmund realized.

"Oh Peter! We're back! _You're_ back!" Lucy cried, running over to her brothers.

"I'm just as thrilled as you are, Lucy," Peter assured his sister, picking her up. Lucy laughed, throwing her head back to gaze up into the glowing Narnian sun.

"This is bloody fantastic!" Edmund said, grinning as he ran around the beautiful, green meadow. "Here we are again! All four of us, ba–"

Edmund stopped mid-sentence, realizing his error. Peter and Lucy too grew silent, as Peter placed Lucy back down on the ground. Edmund stared at his siblings for a moment, before speaking again.

"Perhaps-"

"Come, we must find Aslan," Peter said suddenly.

"Peter-"

"We should also see if Caspian still holds claim over the throne," Peter continued, ignoring his brother. "Come King Edmund, Queen Lucy."

And King Peter strode off across the field, his siblings left with no choice but to follow him.

* * *

The Pevensies met with their cousin, Eustace Scrubb, and his friend Jill Pole, who had continued their adventures in Narnia after had grown too old. They also recognized Professor Diggory Kirke, along with his friend Polly. The group was led by King Tirian, the new ruler of Narnia, known to his people as 'the last King of Narnia'.

"Sir," Tirian said, addressing Peter, "if I have read the chronicle aright, there should be another. Has not your Majesty two sisters? Where is Queen Susan?"

Edmund and Lucy both stared up at their brother anxiously, awaiting his answer. Peter's face remained stony and cold as he answered.

"My sister Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia."

The conversation then turned on the subject of Susan's abrupt maturity, and how she had busied herself with nothing but her appearance. Peter, Edmund and Lucy remained silent, as Peter's words began to take effect in each of their hearts.

"Well, don't let's talk about that now," Peter interrupted suddenly. "Look! Here are lovely fruit-trees. Let us taste them."

As all the others ran off to taste the fruit from the trees around them, Peter stood back, watching.

"King Peter."

Peter turned at the sound of a deep, calming voice from behind him. There stood Aslan, eyeing him carefully. Peter quickly kneeled, bowing his head.

"Oh Great Aslan," he greeted, "we have been summoned from our world yet again, and we come prepared to serve you by any means."

"Thank you, King Peter," Aslan said, nodding, as Peter stood back up. "Narnia has greatly missed you and your siblings."

"As we have greatly missed it in return," Peter assured him.

"All but one," Aslan said suddenly. Peter's heart began pounding.

"She has not turned away forever," he said softly.

Aslan stared at Peter for a moment in silence, and Peter began to wish he had not spoken.

"Come with me, King Peter. We have much to discuss on the subject of this upcoming battle," Aslan said, beginning to walk away.

Peter hesitated for a moment. But only a moment, before he willingly joined Aslan across the field.

* * *

Days later, after the great Last Battle had been fought, the Pevensie children met with Aslan again.

"You do not yet look so happy as I mean you to be," Aslan remarked, looking at the children carefully.

"We're so afraid of being sent away, Aslan. And you have sent us back into our own world so often," Lucy confessed.

"No fear of that," Aslan said. "Have you not guessed?"

The three children eyed Aslan curiously, unsure what he was saying.

"There _was_ a real railway accident," Aslan explained. "Your father and mother and all of you are –as you used to call it in the Shadowlands– dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

The children's hearts pounded more and more as they listened to Aslan speak. It was unimaginable happiness–they were to stay in Narnia forever, always to remain Kings and Queens, never to leave again. It was a dream come true.

"But Great Aslan," Edmund spoke suddenly, "what about Susan?"

There was an immediate silence amongst the three siblings as they all stared at the great Lion before them, awaiting the answer to a forbidden question. The one thing that had caused them any amount of anxiety here in their own personal Paradise.

"Your sister was not with you at the time of your departure from your world," Aslan replied calmly. "She has remained there."

And he walked off into the crowds of humans, beasts and trees, peacefully congratulating them all.

The three Pevensie children remained where they were, as Aslan's words connected in their minds.

They had died in the railway accident, sent to Narnia as means of their own Heaven...

...and Susan still lived.


	13. Chapter 13

_**London**_

"_Yesterday is not ours to recover; but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." – _Samuel Johnson

"_EDMUND!_"

Susan sat up abruptly, hearing the horrible screams, and not even registering that they were her own.

"Miss Pevensie! Miss Pevensie, please calm down!"

She could feel the arms of a young woman grasping at her shoulders, trying to force her back into her bed. She struggled against the forced, panting and screaming, tears streaming down her face.

"Where are my siblings? _Where are they_?!" Susan demanded, grabbing the woman's arms.

"Miss Pevensie, please!" the woman pleaded.

"Where are Peter and Edmund and Lucy? They were just here, I was just speaking to them!" Susan cried, digging her nails into the woman's arms.

"They're not here, Miss Pevensie! You know this, we've told you every single night since the accident!" the woman said firmly.

"NO! BRING THEM BACK! _BRING THEM BACK_!" she screamed, fighting against the young woman, who was nearly shaking she was so nervous.

"Dr. Lewis! She's having another attack!" the woman called.

Just as Susan broke free from the woman's clutch, a set of much larger, stronger hands shoved her back down, and she felt a sharp pain her arm.

She fell back into the bed, unwillingly, moaning and sobbing still. As everything around her began to swirl into darkness, she could hear two voices...

"I see she's still delusional," a man's voice said.

"She's done this every night. She keeps insisting she was on the train with them when it crashed," the woman's voice replied.

"It's all merely part of her breakdown," the man's voice concluded. "Delusions like this are usually triggered by a sense of incompleteness. Perhaps guilt."

"Guilt over what?" the woman wondered.

"I'm not sure. She's been completely mentally unstable ever since we first went to her home to tell her the news. There's a lot we don't know about Miss Pevensie," the man sighed.

"Is there anyone who could help?" the woman asked.

"Her entire family was killed in that crash. Siblings, parents, their closest family friend... she hasn't a relation in the world," the man explained. "I don't blame her mind for trying to fool her."

* * *

Susan Pevensie had been admitted to St. Michael's Hospital in London the day she had learned of the train accident that had killed her entire family. There she spent three weeks refusing to accept that her family was gone. At night, she would cry out in her sleep, screaming the names of her siblings. And in the day she would speak to people who weren't there, and then fall into fits of hysteria when the doctors tried to tell her the truth.

She was subjected to several fruitless meetings with a psycho-analyst, who tried to convince her that she had not been on the train with her family when it crashed, and that her siblings had all been killed. She did not respond, and the analyst could not deduce any reason for this delirium.

After weeks off delusions and panic-attacks, Susan was finally able to accept the truth. After that, she stopped speaking.

She would not speak to the doctors, nurses, or anyone. She lay in bed all day, staring absently at the ceiling, or out the windows. She allowed the doctors to examine her, and she ate, though only as little as possible.

A week later, Susan was discharged, as the doctors could offer her no further help. However, since she was only seventeen, she had to be released to a legal guardian.

Susan sat outside the hospital administrator's office as she listened to him speak with her doctors about where she would be sent.

"She must have aunts, or uncles," the administrator was saying.

"The Scrubb family has already turned down the request, and they're her only family living in England... and the only other family members that we know of," another man said.

"Well we can't just send her out into the world alone. She's underage–and besides, she's completely mentally unstable," the doctor remarked.

"What do you mean?" the administrator asked.

"She suffered weeks of a continued mental breakdown, in which she experienced extreme delusions and fits of hysteria. Those stopped about a week ago, but she's refused to speak since," the doctor explained.

"Have you brought in a psycho-analyst?" the other man asked.

"It changed absolutely nothing. She remained completely unresponsive," the doctor explained. "I believe this is merely a new stage of her breakdown, and I've recommended that she stay here until it has passed..."

"No," the administrator said suddenly. "She's physically healthy, and we've no room to be keeping around mental cases. The war is reaching it's peak, and the numbers of injured is becoming frightful. Soldiers need those beds, not distressed teenaged girls."

"She's just lost everything, John," the doctor said sadly.

"As have many," the administrator replied coldly. "Now how about these neighbors–the Cumberlands?"

"Actually, it's just one woman, sir," the third man said. "Dolores Cumberland. She's the only other person we were able to contact."

"And?"

"And she said she would accept Miss Pevensie into her home."

"For how long?"

"She didn't specify."

"Then it's settled. We send her to Ms. Cumberland tomorrow."

"Should we warn her of the girl's condition?"

"No. If she knew about that, she'd change her mind."

* * *

The next morning, Susan was driven to the home of Dolores Cumberland, right near her old home.

"Oh! Hello," Dolores greeted, as she opened the door.

"Hello Ms. Cumberland," the administrator greeted formally. "I'd like to thank you on behalf of St. Michael's for taking in Miss Pevensie."

"Well I couldn't leave her to the orphanages. Not when they're so full of soldier's children..." Dolores said. She smiled sadly over at Susan. "I'm going to take good care of her."

Susan looked up at Dolores Cumberland, expressionless as usual, and Dolores reached out and stroked her face gently.

"We'll gladly recompense you, as much as you'd like..." the administrator began.

"Oh, that won't be necessary," Dolores insisted. "Just having the young lady here will be reward enough."

"Of course," the administrator said, forcing a smile. "Good luck with your new charge, Ms. Cumberland."

"And good luck with the soldiers. God bless you," Dolores replied.

Susan stepped into Dolores's home, looking around curiously. It was a warm, inviting home that smelled of baking. All the windows were open, the shades pulled back to allow sunshine to flow in. There was a fluffy white cat sleeping on one of the chairs in the living room. Susan noticed several small ornaments resting on the mantle, and a grand piano in the dining room.

"Make yourself comfortable, Miss Pevensie," Dolores offered. "I'll take your bags."

She took Susan's one small suitcase, bustling off into the bedroom. Susan wandered into the living room, gently touching some flowers sitting on a side table.

"Can I get you anything?"Dolores offered upon her return. "Tea? Crumpets? Water?"

Susan stared at Dolores in silence for a moment, her tired, sad eyes examining the kind-hearted old woman before her.

"Tea would be lovely thank you."


	14. Chapter 14

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."_–Martin Luther King, Jr.

Susan could never explain what compelled her to speak to Dolores Cumberland when she could not bring herself to speak to anyone else. Perhaps it was because she could not possibly bring herself to hurt the old woman who had welcomed her so kindly into her home, and not speaking would hurt Dolores Cumberland deeply. Though Susan spoke as little as possible, she was polite and gentle with Dolores. She couldn't help it.

One evening a few nights after her arrival, as Susan was getting ready for bed, there was a knock on her bedroom door.

"It's just me, Miss Pevensie," Dolores's voice called from the other side. Susan cringed slightly at the title 'Miss Pevensie'. It brought back memories she did not want.

"Come in," Susan called back softly.

The door opened slowly, and Dolores bustled in, wearing a pink floral nightgown that perfectly matched her home, and her personality.

"I'm sorry to bother you, dear. But the past few nights I've noticed you've been... well, crying out in your sleep. Yelps of pain, and... sometimes crying," Dolores remarked sadly.

Susan stared at Dolores, for she knew exactly what she meant. Every night she dreamed of the train wreck that she should have been a part of. The train wreck that she had avoided merely by being selfish, and refusing to ride in a cab with her family. So every single night she imagined what should have been. She placed herself in the train with her siblings. And every night she heard them scream for her as everything around them was destroyed. She reached out to grab their hands, and every night she missed. Lions would often appear and tear her siblings away, and though she kept screaming, no sound ever came out.

Every night, Susan lost her siblings again, and there was never anything she could do about it.

"Are you all right, dear?" Dolores asked gently. Susan had gone ghostly pale, her eyes widening as if in some sort of trance.

"I... I..." she stuttered, trying to come up with a response. Any response. But nothing came, and her eyes were quickly filling with tears.

Dolores noticed, and rushed to Susan's side, sitting her down on the bed, and stroking her hair.

"Oh you poor thing..." she whispered, hugging Susan tightly.

"I dream about them constantly," Susan confessed, tears streaming down her face. "Every night it happens, and I can never save them! I hear them scream for me... all of them. My parents even. But I can never get to them in time! I lose them all every single night!"

Susan was sobbing now, and Dolores rocked her back and forth, hushing her.

"You've been through some dreadful times, Susan," she said softly, "and you've been so brave, and so strong."

"I wasn't brave at all!" Susan sobbed. "I was horrible to them! Peter and I were in an awful row, and Lucy... I was so terrible to poor Lucy! I should have been on that train with them, and I wasn't! I never got to apologize, I never got to make things right... and now they're gone! They're gone forever!"

"They have forgiven you," Dolores assured her. Susan stared at her through her tears.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"They loved you. And you loved them. They know you meant no wrong. You would have all come around eventually. Trust me... they _have _forgiven you," Dolores said firmly.

Susan burst out into tears again, hugging Dolores tightly.

"Thank you, Ms. Cumberland," she cried. "Thank you."

"Please dear... call me Dolores," Dolores said, with a small smile.

And that night, Susan slept silently for the first time in a month. For that night, Susan grabbed Edmund's hand before the wall collapsed.

**Hey everyone-- I just wanted to let you all know that I really screwed up the order of the last few chapters. The last chapter, with Susan in the hospital, was supposed to directly follow the scene on the train. It was supposed to show you that Susan had just imagined herself on the train with her siblings when it crashed, she wasn't actually there. But I accidently put in the chapter with her siblings in Narnia first, so that made things really confusing.**

**I apologize, and I hope this clears things up!**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Narnia**_

"_The valor that struggles is better than the weakness that endures." – _Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel

Peter, Edmund and Lucy resumed their positions as Kings and Queen of Narnia, alongside Prince Caspian and King Tirian. Days, weeks, and even months had gone by, and though everything about Narnia was absolutely perfect, the children were not perfectly happy.

"Peter?"

Peter was up late working on plans for the rebuilding of some Narnian forts when his brother knocked at his door.

"Ah, hello Ed," he greeted, motioning for his brother to enter. "Something wrong?"

"You know what's wrong," Edmund said as he walked into Peter's room.

Peter stopped what he was doing, staring at his brother for a moment. Edmund had changed since they had returned to Narnia. He was certainly more mature, as was to be expected after the regaining of his throne. However he was also more somber–no longer energetic, and warm-hearted, as he had always been, even as King. He was thinner, and paler, and a genuine smile was rarely, if ever, seen on his face any more. Peter know looked at his younger brother as he stood before him, and the shocking changes in Edmund were more evident than ever.

Peter hesitated for a moment, disturbed by how much his brother's health had clearly deteriorated. And completely unsure of how to help him.

"What do you want me to do, Edmund?" he asked, staring up at his brother sadly. Edmund kneeled down before Peter, taking his brother's hands in his own.

"Talk to Aslan," he pleaded. "This was his decision. He can change it."

"No," Peter said firmly, pulling away from Edmund. "This rests on her."

"What is _wrong _with you, Peter?" Edmund demanded suddenly. "We don't speak of her any more. We never even say her _name_. You haven't even acknowledged that we _have _another sister since we arrived! Why can't you forgive her?"

"I won't discuss this," Peter declared firmly.

"Fine. Don't discuss it. But _listen _to me," Edmund begged. "We're not complete without her. We can't rule Narnia with just the three of us. The prophecy called for all four of us, and without her we can't rule over evil. If even one of our thrones is left unfilled, anyone could place a curse over Narnia again."

Peter remained silent, his fist clenched tightly on his desk as he listened to his brother's pleas. Edmund stared at Peter for a moment, waiting for a reaction.

"You know it's true, Peter. Things don't feel right without her. We're supposed to be happy," Edmund continued softly. He sighed, stepping again towards his brother. "She's sorry, Peter, we all know she is-"

"She had _no _remorse for her actions!" Peter nearly spat, slamming his fist down on his desk suddenly.

"That's not true," Edmund insisted.

"She never tried to make amends!" Peter pointed out.

"She never got the chance!" Edmund defended.

Peter let out a deep breath, resting his head in his hands, as Edmund's arguments flew through his mind, his heart pounding furiously as thoughts he had worked so hard to repress resurfaced instantly, flooding his heart with pain.

"Every day it hurts me more and more, Edmund," he said after a long moment.

"Then _do _something about it," Edmund pleaded. "You're the only one who can, Peter."

"No," Peter said, shaking his head. "She's the only one who can."

* * *

Early the next morning, Peter hiked out to the mountains. It was cold, and until the sun began to rise, it was very dark. But he marched out until he reached the top of the tallest hill. There he stood, breathing deeply, and looking out at the rising sun.

"You are troubled, King Peter."

Peter closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath at the sound of Aslan's deep, majestic voice from behind him.

"Yes, Aslan," he replied.

"What is the matter?" Aslan asked, approaching Peter slowly.

"My siblings and I are very happy to be in Narnia for all eternity," Peter began.

"Of course," Aslan said.

"We are not happy that only three of us are here in eternal paradise."

Aslan remained silent for a moment, and Peter's breath became shakier.

"What brings you to say this, Sir Peter?" Aslan questioned.

"I spoke with my brother King Edmund last night. He is nearly ill with loss," Peter explained. "I myself have found certain moments to be almost unbearable without her here."

"She has made her choices," Aslan stated, on what was meant to be a definitive note.

"And she is repenting for them," Peter declared, before Aslan could turn and walk away.

Without even turning to look, Peter could sense Aslan's tension, as he stopped, body going instantly and completely still.

"She reaches out to me in my dreams," Peter continued, voice shaky now. "She's always there... reaching, and crying out."

"What is it you think should be done, Peter?" Aslan asked. Peter almost cringed at the blatant use of just his first name–no title of 'Sir' or 'King'.

"I... I think my sister needs to know that _we_ are still here for _her_," he managed to get out. "That will help her regain her faith. If she could just _know _that Narnia has not turned on her-"

"Your sister should know this already in her heart," Aslan insisted.

"But she doesn't!" Peter cried. "She has been stripped of every single person she loved and cared about! How do you expect her to regain her faith on her own after that?"

"If she is a true Queen of Narnia, she shall," Aslan said confidently. "Perhaps if her brother had more confidence in her, she would not be struggling so."

And Aslan slowly crept off into the mountains.

"Aslan!" Peter called after him. "ASLAN!"

But he was gone in a flash, off into the horizon.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." – _Albert Einstein

It had been nearly a year since the railway accident. Susan had turned eighteen, though she decided to continue living with Dolores Cumberland. She began working as a nurse at St. Michael's Hospital, helping others at the very place in which she had suffered the most in her life.

She finished her studies at school, passing with stunning marks. She also looked after the children of some of the neighborhood families, becoming a sort of local nanny, as she was so good with young children.

Susan was doing everything she could to redeem herself of her past arrogance and selfishness. To atone for the last few moments she had spent with her older brother, and repent for the last words she had uttered to her younger sister.

"I'm heading over to the Huntington's to look after Mary and Connor," Susan called up the stairs to Dolores, as she grabbed her coat and gloves, preparing to go look after two of her favorite charges.

"All right, dear. Make sure to bundle up," Dolores called down.

"Of course," Susan called back, grinning. "Are you going to be all right while I'm gone?"

"Certainly. You know me. Tough as a brick," Dolores assured her. She was now at the stop of the stairs, grinning down at Susan.

"Take care of yourself. I'll try to bring you back some pie for tonight," Susan said, smiling.

"You're an angel, Susan Pevensie," Dolores called, as Susan headed out the door.

Susan walked contentedly up the hill towards the Huntington's home, flurries of snow blowing about her face, and catching in her curls. She was humming a little to herself, and looking forward to being with Connor and Mary Huntington.

She froze when she reached the top of the hill, and was met with a tall, strong-built figure. Wisps of his blond hair blew about in the snow, and his handsome features were etched into as shocked an expression as Susan's undoubtably were.

"Susan."

"Robert."

The two of them stood frozen at the top of the hill, staring at each other, unsure what to do, what to say, or how to react.

"I... I haven't seen you in ages," Susan finally piped up.

"Ever since yer dad kicked me off yer property I 'aven't gotten much work 'round these parts. I got lucky when the the 'untington's moved in. They don't know 'bout all the gossip yet. I reckon it's only a matter 'o time 'fore they 'ear somethin', and I'm fired again," Bobby explained dismally. Susan stared into Bobby's stunning blue eyes sadly.

"Well, you don't have to worry about my father any more. He's dead," she said bluntly. At Bobby's shocked expression, Susan continued. "My whole family died in a railway accident almost a year ago now."

Bobby's eyes had grown ten times their normal size, and he looked horrified, as though he may be sick at any moment.

"Good Lord," he uttered. "I... I 'ad no idea-"

"It appears no one cares to gossip about information like that," Susan remarked.

"I'm so sorry, Susan," Bobby offered sympathetically. "I was always mighty fond of yer brothers. Even after..."

"I know," Susan said softly.

There was a moment of silence, as Bobby let out a deep breath, looking out at the sky.

"I didn't even know yeh were back in London," he said after a moment.

"Yes. I've been living with Dolores Cumberland," Susan replied.

"I reckon yeh 'aven't been workin' much?" Bobby assumed.

"Actually I'm a nurse at St. Michael's," Susan replied. "I've been working there for several months."

"Well... that's mighty brave of yeh," Bobby remarked. "Working with all them injured– and after yer own tragedy..."

"I think, in a way, I'm using it as a form of repentance," Susan confessed.

Bobby sighed, stepping towards Susan, and taking her hands in his own.

"Yeh did nothin' wrong, Susan," he said softly. But Susan pulled her hands away.

"I handled it wrong," she said firmly. "I was arrogant, and selfish and immature. I could have made things right, and perhaps... perhaps in time, you and I could have been together, and we could be living our dream right now. But I dealt with things dreadfully... and I lost my chance to fix them. So now all I can do is work, and pray, and repent."

"Are... are yeh sayin' we can never be together?" Bobby asked, after a long pause. Susan stared into his sad, pleading eyes for a long moment.

"Yes."

Bobby turned away as his eyes began to well with tears.

"I can't believe it..." he muttered.

"I promised the Huntingtons I'd arrive by three," Susan said, quickly hurrying past him.

But as she began walking away, Bobby called after her.

"I'll always love yeh, Susan!"

Susan stopped, closing her eyes and letting out a deep breath, struggling to contain her own tears. She turned around to face Bobby one last time.

"I'll always love you too, Robert," she called back, "You're the greatest sacrifice I can ever give. That's why I have to do this."

And she turned, the snow whipping her face as she ran towards the Huntington's.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Susan Pevensie**_

"_To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." – _Anatole France

Susan saw Bobby MacGregor several more times at the Huntington's home, and each time she greeted him as she would any other person. Bobby never lost his job at the Huntington's, as rumors around the town gradually ceased to circle.

Dolores Cumberland became ill with Scarlet fever late in November, and on the night she died, Susan sat beside her bed, holding her hand and talking to her the entire time.

"Susan..." Dolores nearly whispered. She reached out her weak hand, and Susan took it, holding it tightly.

"Yes, Dolores?" she asked. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, no dear. Your company is all I need," Dolores assured her. She squeezed Susan's hand. "You've been so good to me." Susan smiled sadly as he reached out her free hand, stroking back Dolores's gray curls.

"I'm just returning the favor," she said.

"You're an angel, Susan Pevensie," Dolores said. "And your family knows that."

Tears had already formed in Susan's eyes, and now they streamed down her cheeks, as she tightened her grip on Dolores's hand.

"You brought them back to me, Dolores," she confessed.

"No, dear. _You _brought them back by trusting me," Dolores replied. Susan hugged Dolores, her tears streaming into the old woman's curls.

"Say hello to them for me," she whispered.

"Of course," Dolores whispered back softly.

Susan sat up, smiling at the old woman as she gently closed her eyes, her breathing slowing.

"Thank you, Dolores," she said, stroking her hand.

"Goodbye, Susan."

And Dolores Cumberland breathed her last breath, as Susan held her hand.

* * *

After she had called the hospital, and cleaned up the house, Susan lay down on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. And no tears came.

Susan knew that Dolores had been ready to go, and she was now happy. She was in Paradise, and she was happier than she had ever been on earth. And Susan did not feel sad knowing that.

Susan closed her eyes, and slowly she began to see her siblings before her. She smiled, as she watched Lucy run around a large field, laughing, her red curls glowing like magic in the sun; Edmund, concentrating hard on a game of chess, plotting out his next move carefully; Peter, atop a large stallion, sword in hand, grinning proudly.

Images of her siblings continued to dance through her mind, as she began hearing voices, pieces of her past, surrounding her...

"_Nothing is more important than my sister. I will always have time for you, Lu."_

"_I'll never go back. So what's the point in dwelling and believing? I need to move on. I need to grow up. Aslan made that quite clear."_

"_This is my fight. And just for once–I want to know what it is like to fight my own fight."_

"_I am more than a pretty face, and I am much more than a princess. I am a Queen."_

"_Well, you must be quite pleased with yourself then."_

"_I've denied him. I've lied about remembering. I feel ashamed whenever I think, or speak, of Narnia at all. I've lost my faith. I... I've listened to fears."_

"_I never got to apologize, I never got to make things right... and now they're gone! They're gone forever!"_

"_I'll always love you too, Robert. You're the greatest sacrifice I can ever give. That's why I have to do this." 

* * *

_

Peter had hiked out into the mountains again, three long, miserable days later, and returned late in the night. Unable to drag his sad, tired body all the way back to Cair Paravel, he merely collapsed in the grass of the large meadow of fruit trees.

Images of his sister filled his thoughts, to the point where it was so painful, he could hardly breathe. He held his sides, heaving in and out, eyes squeezed shut.

"Susan..._ Susan_..." he cried to himself, until there was no energy left in him, and he allowed himself to be lost in the darkness surrounding him.

* * *

Edmund and Lucy were sitting dully in their thrones back at Cair Paravel, both shaken by the horrifying nightmares of their lost sister that they suffered every night. They could not even bring themselves to speak of it with each other, for each knew that the other suffered just as terribly.

They were awakened from their silent sorrow by the entrance of Mr. Tumnus into the hall. He approached King Edmund and Queen Lucy, bowing low before them.

"Mr. Tumnus... whatever brings you here?" Lucy asked, only an inch of concern able to show through her vacant tone.

"Pardon my intrusion, your Highness, but your brother the High King has returned," Mr. Tumnus informed them.

"Very well. He shall be joining us presently, I presume," Edmund said, even more expressionless than Lucy.

"He is not alone," Mr. Tumnus added suddenly.

This peaked the curiosity of the two younger Pevensies, and they exchanged nervous glances...

Suddenly the doors burst open, and Peter came flying through, wide grin across his face, looking more handsome than he had in ages, his face filled with such radiance.

"Peter!" Lucy cried in shock.

Then Peter's companion came walking through the doors behind him.

Edmund and Lucy remained frozen where they were, staring at the apparition before them, both positive this was merely a figment of their imagination. A cruel trick of their minds.

"Greetings, your Majesties," Susan said, bowing before her siblings.

"_Susan_!"

Lucy screamed her sister's name, as she flew off of her throne, flinging herself into Susan's arms, sobbing hysterically. Susan wrapped her arms around her sister, hushing her, and stroking her hair gently.

"Shh. I'm here, Lucy," she soothed, "I'm _really _here."

"Susan... oh _Susan_!" Lucy cried, clinging frantically to her sister's robes.

Edmund stood right behind Lucy, staring at Susan in a mixture of shock and disbelief.

"Susan?" he said softly, inquisitively. Susan smiled, reaching out and touching his cheek.

"Oh Edmund." She took his hand, clutching it tightly. The hand she had so frequently reached out for in her dreams. The hand that had saved her when all was lost.

The two met in a tearful hug, clinging to each other as if they could not live without the other.

"Oh Edmund," Susan sobbed. "_Thank you_."

The sweet, incredible, tearful reunion continued for some time. Mr. Tumnus, who had been watching from afar, finally approached the children himself, smiling.

"It is a miracle to have you back with us, Queen Susan," he said, kneeling before her. Susan smiled, lifting him to his feet.

"No. It is a miracle that Narnia will have me back," she corrected. Then she flung her arms around him. "I missed you terribly, Mr. Tumnus!"

Mr. Tumnus looked slightly shocked, which caused Lucy and Edmund to giggle. But he hugged back, patting Susan's back comfortingly.

* * *

That evening, Susan's return was announced to the land of Narnia, and a great many ceremonies and festivities were celebrated across the land. But the four siblings remained at Cair Paravel, simply enjoying the time they had together.

Later that night, as Susan was preparing for bed, she felt a warm breeze from her window, and she smiled.

"Aslan," she said softly.

"I am quite glad to see that you have returned to us, Queen Susan," Aslan's deep, melodious voice replied. Susan turned to look the Lion in the eyes.

"Thank you for guiding me back," she said. Aslan's large mouth seemed to curl into a sort of grin.

"I did nothing," he insisted. "You restored your faith, Queen Susan. You, and you alone. You have fulfilled your duty to the land of Narnia."

"I rather thought I had failed it," Susan remarked. "I lost the very thing I was supposed to guide my people in."

"And you have returned," Aslan said. "The one who loses faith, and is able to return, teaches a far more valuable lesson than he who remains faithful forever."

Susan beamed, and even Aslan's Lion-smile seemed to widen.

"I am proud of you, Queen Susan," he said.

And in an instant, Aslan seemed to disappear, into the moon, into the stars... into the night sky.

The dream was over.

* * *

Hundreds of miles, and years, and worlds away, Robert MacGregor placed a single red rose against the cold marble of a tombstone, just outside of St. Michael's Church in London. He said a silent prayer, kissed his fingers, and rested them gently on the dark stone.

"Father MacGregor?" a young boy suddenly called from the church behind him. "Are you ready to start the Mass?"

Robert closed his eyes for a moment, letting the cold snow fall onto his face. Then he turned to the boy, smiling.

"I'll be there in just a moment, Connor," he said.

He turned back to the marble memoriam, as one solitary tear slipped down his cheek.

"I will always love you," he whispered.

And he turned, and headed into the church, where his congregation awaited the beloved young pastor they adored so much.

Snow brushed gently over the words, etched forever into the deep marble:

_Susan Pevensie_

_1925-1943_

_Beloved daughter, Beloved sister_

_Beloved angel_


End file.
